Thank you, I love you all. I know I always have you here on my blog, but I suppose I want to speak to people in real life people who knew Max, people I can reminisce with. I had a better day today, yesterday was not a good day and that is the way it is, up and down, up and down. I am keeping my days busy trying to get out every day with Bugaboo he loves being out and about. Today we went to the local shopping centre where they had a petting zoo. He was really confused and unsure of all the animals, he did laugh at the duck that quacked in his face. He frowned at the lamb, llama and calf though.
So let me tell you a bit about Max. Max was romantic, not in the true sense of the word. He never bought me flowers, actually he did once for Valentines day but he preferred flowers to be admired in the garden and not in a vase where they slowly die, that's what he told me and I was ok with that. Instead he did things like leave love notes with cute little drawings around the house which I would find when least expected or write an email or send me a text just to tell me he loves me. Or he would decide to cook a nice dinner and do the washing up too. He told me he loved me more than once a day, he was always ready with a kiss and hug when I walked in the door after work. He couldn't walk passed me without kissing me or touching me, even if he just brushed his hand across my back as he walked passed. I miss his touch enormously.
When we first met online, yes for those that don't know we were an internet couple. I was chatting to him on MSN and told him I had a puppy dog sitting on my desk that I had just been given for Christmas. His name was Max ( that is where Max's alias for my blog came from) It wasn't til when we met in real life that he discovered Max was a stuffed toy and not a real dog. He was dissapointed but when he met Max he thought he was pretty cute. And through out our relationship we collected them. It wasn't intentional it's just when ever we saw one in the collection either one of us would fall in love with it and take it home. It started off with one, then two and before we knew it our little family grew. Each one came with their own name attached, so we didn't have to name them and they were always referred to by their name. They were mainly dogs but when Max was in hospital the time when he kept passing out during his chemo, I bought him a little cat called Mizty, she was tough because she hung out with all the dogs. There was also a frog called Fribert. When I collected some belongings to put into Max's coffin, some special items, Mistzy went with him. They all sat on his bedside table and before we went to bed at night one of them would always come out to play and he would make up a story of their days adventure. Max was good at making up silly stories. I often imagined him telling his stories to our future child. It makes me really sad that Bugaboo wont remember any of the stories he did get to tell him. Every time we would go on a holiday one of them had to come with us. Now that I am writing this down, I remember telling Max one day that I was going to write about our little family on my blog. He said people wont get it and think we are really strange...grown ups and their stuffed toys ? but I don't care if you think that. It was a little bit of silly fun we had together.
There were other little special friends also, some of you may remember Gromit and how Max had to take him home from the department store because he was all alone and he would bring us luck after I told him we needed to have a baby first then we could buy the toys. Even till the week before he died he believed Gromit was our good luck charm and that is why we have Bugaboo.
Another special friend of Max's was his wheat heat bag Beddy Buddy Bunny he called Mr Sparkles he looked like this one but he was cream in colour, I have no idea where he came up with that name. But Mr Sparkles was his best buddy whilst he was doing chemo. He would be constantly heating him up, until the one day he overcooked him and he just stunk and I couldn't bare the smell any longer. I went in search of another to replace him but I didn't have any luck. My mother ended up making him numerous of heat bags for him. During his last few months the microwave was constantly going and he would always have his heat bag on his pain spots. He said he didn't really think the heat helped but it was a good distraction and made him feel better even if it was all in his head. Max took Mr Sparkles with him too. I kind of now wish that Mr Sparkles stayed with me, he got so many cuddles from Max, I would love nothing more to lay in bed cuddling Mr Sparkles even if he did stink of burnt wheat.
A couple of weeks ago, I bought Bugaboo and Beddy Buddy but it's a lion. I am going to make sure I tell him all about his Daddy's special friends and how they made us laugh and even helped make his Daddy feel better.
These are just some of the notes he left me, that I still have hanging around me and that I will keep forever.
Here is the little Family, minus Fribbit the frog who is somewhere around the house but I can't find him at the moment and also Mitzy who is keeping Max company.
Max the dog is the left hand top one, under him is Dollop, then Buddy and Snaps and Fritz above him. They are about the size of a small hand in case you are wondering.