I am here and I want to write, I want to write so badly. Am I ok? No not really but I am here.
I realised just this week why I can't write and why I haven't been able to write. It's these anti depressants I am on. Gosh why did it take so long to work that out? I have no idea. I do know they have sucked all my creative energy out of me. I am creative, always have been always want to be but I am so stuck. I have so many ideas for my photography, I really want to bring them to life. I read other peoples words like Eden, wow her words blow me away. I will never be able to write like her, I just want to write my words, my story. I need to get all this stuff out and I can't.
These AD's are tricky, they are the hardest ones to come off. I wish I had known that before I started taking them more than 4 years ago. I just have to miss a day and I cry. It sucks, big time. I hate feeling this way. I am on the road to see what I can do about it and how I can get off this marrow sucking drug. I want to live, I want to be happy when I am feeling happy, I want to cry when I am sad and not just because I have dropped a hat.
When Mel announced MicroblogMondays, I thought yay I can do that, I was so sure I would do it yet I haven't written a thing. I can't believe she is already up to week 8! See in my head I can do anything when it comes down to doing it I can't gather my thoughts. Nothing comes to me, nulla. Just like that travel blog I wanted to start writing. Yes I really want to do it and I can't. I hate it, I want to be a doer again. Not a freaking robot.
I am hoping by writing this post it will get me started again. I can't guarantee it, I can't guarantee anything. Because this isn't really me, it's this other person with a drug infused body and brain.